A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize