just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
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Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
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My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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