We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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