Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
