I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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