Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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