so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
