Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
