I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
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He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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