i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
