Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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