im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
