Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
