I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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