the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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