well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
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he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
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Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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