i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
