bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
