Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
