Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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