also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
