I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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