I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We had sex on a dog bed..
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
