paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
im holly from the hills drunk
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
