dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
