my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
