Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
