Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
