go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
