I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
