in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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