You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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