I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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