My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize