His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You may now shotgun with the bride
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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