Dual....:-)
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
