So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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