He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
