You made me cry and you don't even care
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize