The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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