those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
