Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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