I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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