my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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