last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
