i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
