I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
