Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
