why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
