When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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