i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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