My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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