My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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