I wish I could teleport
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
