he wants to bone in the snuggie
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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