The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
