Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
