a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I faked an abortion last night.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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