You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
