so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
