careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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