hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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