I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
