I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
id be glad to
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
