I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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