my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
