You can't special order awesome
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
