seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
