If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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