I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
