i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I need water and some morals
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
