i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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