im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
