I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My ass is underappreciated
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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