Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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