i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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