Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
