Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
