Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
