Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Randomize
