Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
