omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
