Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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